Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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