I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
