it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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