quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
