Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
