Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
