If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
