I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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