We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
