Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
