Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
