Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
