the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
