Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
