I feel great
I just peed on a car
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
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