Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
