I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
