dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
