I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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