note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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