I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
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