dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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