Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
a search helicopter?!
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
