6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
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