So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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