It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
