By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
