So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
im six kinds of drunk right now
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
