hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
