This is not my ceiling
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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