...so i touched it.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
