The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
