Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
