I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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