I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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