Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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