Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
