i think my tv is drunk
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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