He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I want her autograph on my taint
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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