This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
