You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
