You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
