i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
