were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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