Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Randomize
