somebody snuck up and got me drunk
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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