I wish I only lived at night.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
