I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Did I show you my penis last night?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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