but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
