so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
