Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
