sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
