Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
