It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
