You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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